tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-77684417410674660992011-07-31T05:49:16.331-04:00A sporadic, profanity laced tirade at life in Triniland for the single shrew.shrewnoreply@blogger.comBlogger251100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7768441741067466099.post-11355504463305527042010-07-03T22:13:00.003-04:002010-07-03T22:17:37.520-04:00

Yeah I ripped off blink182. Please don't sue me, I'm unemployed. Wow it’s been a while now hasn’t it? It’s not that I’d forgotten about this space, it’s more that school (like work and sometimes life in general), has been sucking the iota of creativity I ever had. I swear, if you ever think you have too much talent, attend university; specifically the University of the West Indies; specifically

shrewnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7768441741067466099.post-72067509164487909932010-04-01T23:37:00.001-04:002010-04-01T23:40:31.766-04:00

So I’m at the Health Services Unit of the University of the West Indies, awaiting my turn to get me my somewhat annual HIV test. There are six other people in the room with me, including what appears to be a couple and five of them (including the couple) look worried. I’m wondering if I’m the only person here for an HIV test. A name is called and the female half of the couple scurries to an area

shrewnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7768441741067466099.post-7012621874661048142010-02-15T20:55:00.001-04:002010-02-15T21:00:00.088-04:00

No, this isn’t my lame attempt at ripping off Nancy Drew, The Hardy Boys, The Bobsey Twins or any number of ‘young adult’ literature – although given my lack of any discernible talent, increasing age and present unemployed status, that’s not such a bad idea for netting me some quick cash. This is, rather, a meditation upon my unwilling Third Wheel status and my arrival here. For some reason still

shrewnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7768441741067466099.post-74451533559003960452010-02-07T18:47:00.002-04:002010-02-07T18:51:59.748-04:00

So a couple Fridays ago we visited the chick with the broken leg. She’s fine. Had her surgery and is recuperating now. Now she’s a very pleasant girl and I honestly have no reason to wish ill upon her – and I don’t – but whenever I see her or whenever her medical condition comes up in conversation, all I can think is of how I was previously in her seat, and ergo how close I came to having a

shrewnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7768441741067466099.post-43769870937207341362010-01-02T11:41:00.000-04:002010-01-02T11:43:01.346-04:00

So I’ve reconsidered, and now my idea of hell involves injections to my scalp purely for torture purposes. Trust me, if Satan’s minions wanna get with the times, they’ll revoke their pointed tails and pitchforks for surgical smocks and syringes. On December 22, 2009, I blithely half-assed my way through a philosophy examination (the last one for the semester), frolicked on Maracas Beach with

shrewnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7768441741067466099.post-18004605838268502892009-06-02T23:51:00.000-04:002009-06-03T00:12:48.232-04:00

“You must be so happy that today’s your birthday!” Man I hate it when people tell me that. What reason do I have to be particularly happy about the anniversary of my birth? I suppose that with our present crime shituation, the fact that I have lived to see another year of life is an accomplishment in its own right, but other than that I really fail to understand the general hullabaloo that is

shrewnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7768441741067466099.post-18840732148106780212009-03-21T23:12:00.002-04:002009-03-21T23:18:31.438-04:00

Today I realised three things:1. All the time I spend at the gym should really be dedicated to increasing my upper body strength,2. Jesus put me on this earth to be His personal jester and, 3. banditry is damned hard in spite of what the general law abiding population may think.Now before y’all get all excited and start dialling Crimestoppers to tip them off about that damn tief Shrew who you did

shrewnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7768441741067466099.post-35900138374115095782008-12-27T13:41:00.003-04:002008-12-27T18:00:14.112-04:00

So this is Christmas. And a recession is looming. Yet Zen is still filled each night with unemployed UWI students partying away their tertiary level studies stress, while visions of Masters Degrees and greener employment pastures abroad dance in their heads.And so this is Christmas. And Patrick says we have to engage in belt tightening to last through the oncoming economic crash. As though by

shrewnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7768441741067466099.post-9788702712736198512008-09-27T00:04:00.006-04:002008-09-27T00:22:00.526-04:00

~What is it about the fragility of the Trinidadian male’s ego that causes them to have such utter contempt for us women?~Artificial sweeteners are the biggest rip offs since UDeCOTT; Splenda looks like something that should be divided into thin, even lines with a razor blade on a hard (preferably clean) surface and inhaled.~A woman who has sexual relationships with men like her father has daddy

shrewnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7768441741067466099.post-27562500043113468022008-09-16T00:00:00.005-04:002008-09-16T19:45:44.937-04:00

When did Trinis become so damned obnoxious? One of my supervisors said we were always so but I seem to remember a time when I could expect a salutation to be reciprocated instead of the blank, bovine stares I now receive.Someone recently told me that with our booming economy, Trinis have become more sophisticated because of the opportunity to travel and thus we have become more demanding. That’s

shrewnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7768441741067466099.post-46111303408922896272008-08-31T19:13:00.003-04:002008-08-31T19:26:25.526-04:00

Remember the good old days when success meant just getting a job and not getting pregnant too soon or out of marriage? Ok, so I may not agree with the pregnant thing but the job issue I can understand.I will admit that I have not lived up to my expectations. I may have not lived up to the expectation that others had for me either, seeing as how the majority of them thought I would end up as a

shrewnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7768441741067466099.post-24340081584710474082008-06-06T00:00:00.001-04:002008-06-06T00:04:01.059-04:00

I believe I now have an idea of how my mother felt when she found my box of condoms and realized I was on the pill. I had made not the slightest effort, mind you, to hide either, but the poor lady was struck speechless for a few good days after.A couple weeks ago my little cousin asked me for porn and I felt a kind of cold numbness originate in my belly and ooze outward to my extremities. I had

shrewnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7768441741067466099.post-37380649713228039592008-05-09T21:21:00.002-04:002008-05-09T21:29:46.682-04:00

Well that’s it. There is officially no hope for me now. I have no choice but to relegate myself to the fact that I shall share the same dwelling with my mother - mate less- for the rest of my natural life.After the inevitable failure of my last relationship, I decided that the next male I snare would need to have more than a modicum of intelligence before he gets the privilege of being referred

shrewnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7768441741067466099.post-32015564887756776922008-04-28T23:12:00.001-04:002008-04-28T23:16:09.431-04:00

an asshole would be an insult to that most reviled of orifices:As was reported in the Sunday Guardian [28.4.2008], some fucked up piece of shit threw lye on two rottweilers kept by a 74 year old man as pets and protection. The eight year old dog may die from her burns and the six year old was partially blinded. It would seem that the perpetrator (allegedly a neighbour) has a bit of a history of

shrewnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7768441741067466099.post-42483315623238316502008-03-31T09:18:00.000-04:002008-03-31T09:57:07.482-04:00

I’m going out on a limb here, but Trinidadian parents have got to be the most ignorant in the world. Not ignorant due to lack of knowledge you understand, at least not in all cases, but rather because you stand the risk of personal injury in the event you are misguided enough to comment unfavourably upon either their offspring or their parental skill. I didn’t realise that Prestige Holdings’

shrewnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7768441741067466099.post-2347402016152672802008-03-22T18:20:00.003-04:002008-03-22T18:28:26.002-04:00

The advantage of being a vegetarian in Trinidad is that no one visits you for lunch. Or dinner. Or for any festival which involves food. In essence, no one visits at all. The disadvantage is everyone is convinced you have a secret affair with The Colonel and incessantly try to tempt you with the cloying odour of flesh that has been deep fried in recycled oil. Yummy!On revealing your diet choice

shrewnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7768441741067466099.post-78636101140847975272008-03-14T14:49:00.002-04:002008-03-14T21:59:28.643-04:00

The only way I would endorse violence of any sort is if it is wielded against the scum of society: rapists, animal abusers, racists, paedophiles, wife-beaters, wilful environmental polluters and the jerks who insist on forwarding every single email they receive to me.Ok, so in the beginning it wasn’t that bad. I was just getting into the World Wide Web thing and everything including the porno and

shrewnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7768441741067466099.post-21947330359679905562008-03-04T08:02:00.003-04:002008-03-04T08:16:36.070-04:00

This is the result of a day spent away from work. It’s amazing the kind of latent crap that comes out when you have diarrhoea. Heh. Heh.So here’s a little something I conjured up between my time spent on the throne and in the shower. I saw it on someone else’s blog and being the covetous rat that I am, I immediately hatched a plan to acquire one of my own.Well, I visited the site and in ten

shrewnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7768441741067466099.post-14012111476041966792008-02-03T23:00:00.000-04:002008-02-03T23:18:54.908-04:00

Not everyone is talented. This is why I work. At a real job. With bitches. Real live bitches. The majority of our soca entertainers should consider that.Although I don’t fete, wine or drink, I like Carnival. It’s the only time of the year I can mount my high horse and look down my nose at those Canaval Jumbies with self righteous disgust. It’s quite addictive actually and I’ve never missed a year

shrewnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7768441741067466099.post-31508159704931277152007-12-09T23:44:00.000-04:002007-12-09T23:57:50.080-04:00

So the other day I’m talking to a friend of mine and I happen to mention the policeman who had stalked me for a (thankfully) very short time. On hearing the story my friend comments that for as long as he has known me at any given point in time I have been stalked or harassed by someone. I laughed and then I got depressed because it’s true.When I was younger I used to wonder if I had a sign on my

shrewnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7768441741067466099.post-79643950676712284832007-11-30T21:34:00.000-04:002007-11-30T21:56:11.775-04:00

Mimes scare me. And don’t even let me start on clowns. How on earth people can find a person in pasty white makeup entertaining is beyond me. I know it’s crazy, but I’m always convinced that their skins are that chalk white due to some obscure flesh eating bacteria that causes the skin to flake and infect the rest of us in a manner not unlike that of anthrax.The thing is, I have many irrational

shrewnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7768441741067466099.post-71969604045295229632007-11-04T23:41:00.000-04:002007-11-05T00:09:52.243-04:00

You know there's a saying : the more I know of people the more I like my dogs? Well the older I get the more I can relate to that statement. I like people less and less as time goes by.When I was little I was a screamer. Yep. Man, I had lung power that would rival that of Pavarotti. And my "terrible two" tantrums lasted well into my pre-teen days. But I only displayed my talent when I was forced

shrewnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7768441741067466099.post-46645324547384773262007-10-28T01:55:00.000-04:002007-10-28T02:04:20.879-04:00

The time is now 2am. I haven’t seen my house since 7:30am.The thing about foreign-based family members making the obligatory trip home is that more often than not, they forget that we actually have things to do besides lime. I mean hey, I’m glad to see you too - I may not know you, but I’m glad – however let’s face it: we can’t squeeze four years of weddings, funerals, christenings, births,

shrewnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7768441741067466099.post-58655942412170100902007-10-22T10:26:00.000-04:002007-10-22T11:06:11.245-04:00

Few things inspire me like exercise videos. There’s nothing like watching a group of hyperactive super-fit women to make me feel like the lazy slob I am.I suppose I should try at least some of the exercises shown, but where’s the fun in that? Sure they’re smiling, but I also see all that sweat and straining... There must be some other way to keep fit that doesn’t involve hopping, jumping and

shrewnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7768441741067466099.post-12525466147124002862007-10-19T23:41:00.000-04:002007-10-19T20:49:14.369-04:00

Only the good die young. So, by my calculations I should live to see the new millennium. That’s not stopping me, however, from planning for my inevitable expiration date.Some old white dude (either Woody Allen or Mark Twain) once said: “Death is a dull, dreary affair and my advice to you is that you have nothing whatsoever to do with it.” I think that’s a load of bullpoo. At least in the way it

shrewnoreply@blogger.com0